Doomsday clock advances!

CHICAGO/CHENNAI. The Bulletin of Atomic scientists today released a press statement, announcing that the doomsday clock has been shifted to 30 seconds to midnight. This announcement, today has sent shock waves throughout the world as the clock reached the closest time to midnight since its inception in 1953, which according to the board means catastrophic destruction on earth which can include complete annihilation of the human species. The clock though initially created just to represent the threat of global nuclear war, now signifies any change in climate or activities that may threaten or create harm to humans.

The press release also stated that the reason for this sudden decision to advance the clock by 4.5 minutes to 30 seconds, from its current position of 5 minutes was due to recent activities in the Southern part of India, namely the state of Tamil Nadu. The recent spate of movie releases by a certain south Indian actor by the name of Joseph Vijay has been deemed by the bulletin to be "hazardous and of harm to anyone who watches the movie", unnamed sources said. The bulletin also warned that one more movie from the said person could raise tensions across the world with many governments already involved in a covert operation to protect their citizens from watching the movie. Our Intel revealed that these operations include discreet activities such as booking all tickets at every show, making theatres apparate thus leaving citizens lost and even paying Vijay to perform in advertisements, supporting the Chennai SuperKings at every practise session, changing room team meet and providing a dance intro to MS Dhoni at every batting session. The International Monetary Fund is in the process of allocating a global budget for this purpose. Sources from within the Indian government have been quoted as saying that the Indian parliament is not amused by this man's antics and is contemplating on a ban if he attempts another movie despite all the precautions. The utilisation of the controversial POTA act is also being mulled, though political observers feel that the government might be better off by just putting in place a 50km radius ban on him and any video or still camera.

Unsuspecting fans who fervently awaited his new release "vettaikaran" which was screened at theatres on Dec 18th, exited the theatres in tears as they mulled on the sanity of their once beloved star. " He is just getting worse by the day! He jumped onto the roofs of trains in previous films and now he dares break pillars with his bare hands! Does he think he is the Captain or what??", wailed a film buff as she left the theatre, completely distraught at the insult to her superstar, "The Captain", Vijayakanth. Film critics consider this day a sad day in Indian Cinema if not as worse as previous attempts by him. Noted film Director James Cameroon though was heard to have commented that Joseph Vijay might have been a cheaper alternative to all the expensive computer graphic imagery that he spent on in his film "Avatar" which simultaneously released worldwide. When contacted for further comments, government officials had only this to say, "All we can do is wait and see, He has not performed any illegal activity as such and hence no legal action will be taken at this point. With the recent spate of such films not only from Kollywood, but the rest of India too, the judiciary is mulling introducing new laws that may make bad film making an illegal activity. At that point, society shall no longer be at his mercy, He shall be at ours." They said, with an evil glint in their eyes.