Research paper on traffic conditions in India :P

I have over the past few months been putting in a lot of effort and research into what drives Indian road users. I have come up with some startling explanations for the peculiar ways of Indian drivers.

- Most drivers state that the dotted lines (read lane markers) are reminiscent of the numerous connect the dotted line drawings of their childhood and hence in an effort to relive their childhood days, always try to hit both the lines on each side!
- An autorickshaw driver once commented that the city corporation was spending too much money and wasting a lot of electricity on the year round Diwali lighting while the city faced a huge power shortage. I later discovered he was referring to a traffic light junction.
- Reliability testing of Vehicles by manufacturers is not sufficient. Auto and bus drivers hence do this on their own basis to ensure that they have not been cheated with a badly manufactured vehicle. Reliability tests are mostly performed on speed breakers, dividers and unsuspecting pedestrians.
- A survey of intercity bus drivers brought out a startling revelation. Every bus comes with a permanent footrest (accelerator) and a spare footrest (brake pedal) in case the original fails.
- Another common opinion of road users is that, all the guys in White and Khaki at traffic junctions are cost effective human scare crows for the purpose of scaring away crows that may shit on vehicles.
- The above mentioned Guys also like to play hide and catch with motorists on a regular basis, with the motorist who gets caught having to choke out papers and money. This is a test of your mental prowess where you put your ability to beg, plead and cajole to great use. A more modern advanced version of the hide and seek game is where the catcher is armed with laser weapons and photographic cameras to eliminate the person who is caught. For this purpose people dress well and comb their hair neatly in case they are photographed.

If you are a foreigner on Indian roads, you now have a much better idea of what exactly transpires here…