Why advice columns are good!

Dear Abie,

The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. I hadn't gone more than a mile when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked all the way back home only to find my husband making love to to our neighbour! He was retrenched from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Frustrated.


Dear Frustrated,

A car stalling can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Check for debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. Or it could be the fuel pump itself being faulty causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got this from RD Dec 08 issue!

P.A.D.

Another boring day passed by as I stared at my computer screen or the ceiling fan in a bid to discover something new! Alas! No apple fell on my head! I started rummaging through my bookshelf and found some mags...(mind u I don't hind porno in my wardrobe for those smirking folk!). It was a mag. And as I started reading it, I discovered something. About myself.

Guess what folks I suffer from PAD. Sounds cool eh? It means Phone Anxiety Disorder or also known as Phonexiety!!?? :O

No it's not a disease where you phone gets stuck to you whenever you get tensed or anything but apparently you are so stressed out that you start hearing things. In this case you think your phone rings when in reality it doesn't! Phew. And I thought I had gone mad, hearing things that I didn't. PAD sounds much cooler than MAD doesn't it! :P

And for anyone else who suffers from it, sorry dude, apparently as of now it's not a curable disease, though chucking yourself in a place where there is no network, like the North Pole might help. But do pray that now maybe you don't start 'seeing' things, like maybe an appearing mobile phone!

Research paper on traffic conditions in India :P

I have over the past few months been putting in a lot of effort and research into what drives Indian road users. I have come up with some startling explanations for the peculiar ways of Indian drivers.

- Most drivers state that the dotted lines (read lane markers) are reminiscent of the numerous connect the dotted line drawings of their childhood and hence in an effort to relive their childhood days, always try to hit both the lines on each side!
- An autorickshaw driver once commented that the city corporation was spending too much money and wasting a lot of electricity on the year round Diwali lighting while the city faced a huge power shortage. I later discovered he was referring to a traffic light junction.
- Reliability testing of Vehicles by manufacturers is not sufficient. Auto and bus drivers hence do this on their own basis to ensure that they have not been cheated with a badly manufactured vehicle. Reliability tests are mostly performed on speed breakers, dividers and unsuspecting pedestrians.
- A survey of intercity bus drivers brought out a startling revelation. Every bus comes with a permanent footrest (accelerator) and a spare footrest (brake pedal) in case the original fails.
- Another common opinion of road users is that, all the guys in White and Khaki at traffic junctions are cost effective human scare crows for the purpose of scaring away crows that may shit on vehicles.
- The above mentioned Guys also like to play hide and catch with motorists on a regular basis, with the motorist who gets caught having to choke out papers and money. This is a test of your mental prowess where you put your ability to beg, plead and cajole to great use. A more modern advanced version of the hide and seek game is where the catcher is armed with laser weapons and photographic cameras to eliminate the person who is caught. For this purpose people dress well and comb their hair neatly in case they are photographed.

If you are a foreigner on Indian roads, you now have a much better idea of what exactly transpires here…

The Dark Knight!

Simply put the film rocks. It takes off from Batman Begins. A new villain surfaces in Gotham City and calls himself the Joker. Played by Heath Ledger, He is the star of the film. The joker just makes you want to applaud actually. Christian Bale has made a convincing performance by no means bad but against the Joker, Batman is just not good enough. But I must add that the shots of the Hong Kong and Chicago skylines are amazing and with the background scores just make the scenes where Batman flies, sexy to watch! The story of how one man through his ability to make decisions as he wishes(actually it's two men now, both Batman and the Joker)can change a lot of things just comes to tell how much people who actually dare to do what they wish to, can really achieve if they do it, be it good or bad. You have example for both in the movie.

The scene where Batman topples a whole container truck is just SEXY! The return of the Lieutenant from having died of gunshot wounds was amazing and made everyone happy. We also see acts of courage from the people stuck on ferries and even when they are given the option to save themselves at the cost of a bunch of criminal convicts on another ferry, the fear and the assorted emotions are just a spectacle to watch. Seriously I think had it been a bunch of crazy Indians on board they would have pressed the detonator first thing without care for the other people. Somehow sadly, I beg to think so. I do hope Indian society will prove me wrong. Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, the straight District Attorney played a pivotal role in the movie, I do wish to sympathise with him, yet, given the post he holds in Gotham city, his actions were not totally what one could expect from a person of such stature. But then, he is ultimately human, and all humans have one weakness - Emotion is what the movie justly exemplifies. Rachel Dawes is beautiful here with not much of a role to play, but somehow I preferred Katie Holmes. The ending was just amazing, Batman taking on the blame for Two face's mistakes so that Harvey could be pronounced a hero to Gotham City. Somehow it was a magnimous moment...

The joker seriously could root for an Oscar. Sadly if he did win, he wont be there to collect it. The batmobile is a sexy piece of machinery. As Lieutenant Gordon said in Batman Begins "I gotta get me one of those things!". Each and every scene is filled with either action or amazing acting or seriously cool quotes. A magnificient movie, to be watched surely, in a proper theatre please. It's one of those movies where it would become a cardinal sin if watched from a theatre rip on a computer.

Check out the link below. Quotes from the movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/quotes

Lovestory 2050

Let me tell you the story in brief. I missed out the first 3 odd minutes, but my cousin filled me in. Apparently our hero crashes his MG while driving really dangerously. He has a typical rich father who just has no time for his son. Anyways the guy goes around and happens to spot pretty Priyanka Chopra and takes a liking for her. After the regular case of mistaken identity issues between the lead girl and guy, our hero (whatever his name is, I don’t know, I think the character was called Karan) woes Priyanka (Sanaa) and begs her to come on a date with him. She finally agrees and they do so. She enjoys herself and blah blah and they fall in love (not really worth going into detail- If it's not worth MY blogspace, then you can imagine). And yes, we have an important character in the form of our Sanaa's mom. One of those typical Desi moms we've seen in so many films. She prays for a good looking guy for her daughter and when she opens her eyes she spots Karan walking. She stalks him to find him sitting at a restaurant with her daughter,… and…. She is overjoyed!!?? In fact she is so overjoyed, I had to verify with my cousin as to whether she prayed for a guy for her daughter or for herself(And yeah for those readers who don’t know me well, I don’t understand Hindi. So all this stuff I'm telling you is from the visuals, and a little bit of translation from my cousins).

Anyways, so everything seems to be going well, when Mr. Fate decides to pay a visit, in the form of a truck and a hit and run accident. Guess who was hit?? It had to be the prettiest person on screen…  Well Sanaa dies and Karan is distraught. And yes, amidst this chaos here, we have a scientist uncle of Karan's, who lives in the same town as Sanaa. This guy is on the verge of creating a time machine which Karan and Sanaa test out once and blow the fuse as well. So after Saana's death, Scientist uncle discover's the exact equation(which was accidentally created by the couple during a romantic moment at the chalkboard - Seriously which scientist in 2008 writes his equations on a chalkboard??) to make the time machine work. He gets the whole set up running and he comes up with an idea. Take Karan back to the past where he can prevent the accident from happening. But while they try to do that, the systems uncannily hang(Must be based on windows or something) and the time machine gets stuck at Mumbai 2050 which incidentally was keyed in by Sanaa sometime back. Karan thinks it is fate. I think it's a case of the component supplier selling faulty components.

So the scientist and Karan decide to go to 2050, and while they are busy preparing the spacecraft, sorry time machine, two little kids, who are Sanaa's younger siblings sneak on board. Now we are in 2050. Well Mumbai in 2050 is a changed place. Skyscrapers galore, flying cars etc. What did take me by surprise was the lack of traffic! Indians seem to have adopted technology pretty well too, what with a panwallah using a micro robot to sell pan and the best was, a snake charmer charming a robotic snake! Else the whole place looked like it was snitched out of I, Robot. And yes did I mention fashion of 2050? Seems to be predominantly leather. Looks like cows and crocodiles are on the extinction list too. Anyways, the hero spots the re-incarnation of Sanaa in the form of Zeisha, a red haired popular singer. He starts tracking her and mysteriously she gets drawn to him too when she sees him. The power of love eh?? Anyways Karan starts wooing her too and they pretty much fall in love. At this stage things kind of get messy, I kind of lost the plot, and they discover he is some fake guy or something, fake ids and stuff. Karan is chased away by her guards. During this process, Sanaa's diary falls out of Karan's shirt and Zeisha duly picks it up and reads it at home, and now she realises that whatever Karan was blabbering was true and she gains memory of the past or something. And yes, how can a bollywood flick not have a villain? So we have a Dr. Morishi or someone, who used to be Scientist uncle's la assistant of some sort. He has become some big shot guy and now realises that scientist uncle is visiting town and that the time machine is here. Uncle scientist is captured and questioned on the whereabouts of the machine. He enjoys the moment and comments on Dr. Morishi's 'microchip boss' appearance (Similar to Mottaiboss of Sivaji fame except that microchips are encrusted on his bald head!!?) Anyways Karan come to the rescue, high tech fight scenes ensue and the good win and yeah we have a high speed flying car chase involving the baddies from 2050 not being as good drivers as a guy from 2008 and end up crashing everywhere. And finally, the space ship which came to 2050 with 4 people, now has 5 people and 2 robots, and returns to 2008, I think. End of story.

1.I found the hero imitating Hrithik too much, some people in the theatre were querying if the new face was Hrithik's re-incarnation or something. But then we realised Hrithik was not gone yet.

2.Priyanka was pretty as usual, but I found Sanaa to be too giggly and Zeisha to be a bit loud mouthed initially.

3.The movie was weird. Period. Don’t bother watching, unless you want to check out Priyanka or the new hero guy, or if you want to try the new comfy seats at Kanakadhara (Central theatres, Coimbatore)

Arai en 305 il kadavul

The movie was great. A really simple but nice tale of how two guys meet god. I am envious of Prakash raj for two things though. One was he got to play god and superman too (Without the red and blue under wear though). And two he had a Nifty little hand held communications device. This little device which I suspect was designed by Vertu (Lots of gold embellishments you see) is amazing. He communicates to all the other gods using that device apparently. It comes with all the regular features with the highlights being the emergency warning system, which warns him every time something bad is going to happen, like the incident where 2300 lives were lost when a mosquito fumigation vehicle drove by. The highlight of the device is the 3D display which shows everything happening in the world real time in 3D. Nifty indeed!!!

I am sure Nokia and Sony Ericsson are going to be haggling badly to obtain this device. What such features could do to their market share I wonder. Imagine a device that charges without a plug at a plug point and obtains full charge in 5 seconds!

Hmm anyways back to the movie, I don’t know why this movie runs in one of the smallest theatres in Coimbatore. This movie deserves much more and surely much more over the crop of movies that have come right now. You know the one I’m talking about: The one about the bird. Room no 305 is a proper entertainer, with good humour and really nice concepts. Something that I won’t forget in quite sometime I should say. I’d rather not talk about it and rather ask you to watch it yourself and enjoy, and please DO NOT at all costs go watch the movie about the bird. It’s for your benefit that I say this.

Life is all about Nothing!!

When was the last time you fought with a friend over a petty issue? How many such relationships would you have destroyed in the past twenty years of your life by fighting over unnecessary things? I am sure the answer is many. In some cases things might have reconciled but in most the relationship once broken is gone forever. Consider the story of a guy called Naresh. Naresh was a smart handsome guy in college enjoying his single life until one fateful day…

It was another boring lecture session. The whole class was fast asleep as usual; the lecturer droning away in the distance. The monotony was broken by a chirpy voice, “excuse me ma’am”. I looked up slowly, my eyes half open. I saw a blur image of a white object wafting across the room. Failing to find it impressive I went back to business. ZAP!! Lightning struck. I looked up straight and focused. My vision became clear. I was electrocuted. It was a pretty girl in a white salwar. She had long flowing hair that wavered in the turbulence behind her as she wafted through the class.

All I could hear were the clicks of her stilettos as she walked up towards me. She stopped short and settled a row ahead. The rest of the day, all I could see was shiny black hair and all I could smell was perfumed hair spray. Whatever I ate was tasteless and my touch felt numb. My sensory perception was gone. I was a dead man; Killed by the sight of a girl.

I decided to change that. I knew she was the one. I had always wondered why I was alive and now I was sure this was the answer to my twenty years of existence. I took my time and planned my moment. The moment that I would ask and Ananya would say yes.

The day came. Operation PTA (Propose to Ananya) was ready to be put into action. Having infiltrated her group of friends, I got minute by minute updates of her whereabouts. My field agents (read friends) coordinated. I positioned myself. The target came into sight. I launched myself. I perfectly intercepted her and after a few flyby’s, popped the question. She stared at first. Then her eyes grew big with shock as the question sank in. Her facial reactions made me wonder if I looked abnormal to her. As she continued staring, I didn’t feel good about how things had gone so far. That very moment I regretted not having perfected apparition. Harry Potter would have been disappointed with me. As I stood awaiting a counter attack, her reactions mellowed. Her lips curled the other way round. I saw pink cheeks. Mission complete.

Fast forward 364 days.

One year of bliss. We had had the best possible moments in our almost flawless relationship. Life seemed so perfect. As we counted down to the 365^th day we decided to play a game. We would see who would be able to call the other first at the stroke of midnight. Sounds childish?? So what?? We were in love after all. Time flew by and it was 2300hrs. I would not miss. I made my phone call on the dot. It kept ringing. I tried again and again. It just rang. What was this girl doing?? How could she forget?? Where was she?? These were the thoughts than ran in my head. As I got increasingly frustrated, I gave it another shot. It kept ringing, and suddenly she attended the call. “Hey” was all I could say before she cut in. “Naresh, listen I’m busy I’ll call you in 5 minutes”. Click. She had cut the call. “What could be more important than me? What is it that had her full attention where she couldn’t spare even a few minutes on me?” I wondered. Brooding over her indifferent attitude on today of all days, I just patiently waited for the call that never came. I fell asleep. It was 0800 in the morning.

I hurriedly got dressed and went to college. I was waiting to pounce on Ananya the minute she entered class. Her ETA was 0925 normally. It was 0930 and the bell rang. No sign of her. 15 minutes after the lecturer started her usual drone, an “excuse me madam” came from near the doorway. Today there was no white angel. Today she came like a dirty vamp, crumpled dress, messy hair, tired eyes and the works. She clearly had not slept much and woken up late. She walked up to the staff, mumbled something and walked towards the bench. Her usual place, right next to me was waiting, but she sat in the first row. Steam emanated from my seat. 3 hours of fuming came to an end when lunch break arrived. I quickly got up to go talk to her, but she scurried off long before I could catch her. I was beginning to have doubts. She seemed to be avoiding me.

I went hunting for her in my vast campus and finally spotted her between some trees. The next moment I lost my breath. She was talking to some guy who then handed her over some package. They then left the place on his bike. I was confused and lost. What was happening? Who was this guy? A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind. Too much was happening to quickly. I could not relate the occurrences throughout the day. Thinking about it just taxed my mind too much. I hopped over to a nearby coffee shop right after college. What better way to relax one’s mind than a hot cuppa??

As I downed my beloved beverage, I saw a familiar figure walk into the shop. That familiar figure was holding hands with another recently seen figure. Ananya and the guy she met at the tree. As I saw them stroll in like a close couple, everything dawned upon me. The jigsaw puzzle fell into place. My girlfriend was cheating on me! The coffee lost its power. My brain just lost itself. No espresso shots could cure me at that moment. She turned around and saw me. Her face changed. She walked towards me. I stood up. This was the moment. I had to speak my mind out and that is what I did. I told her what I knew and what I thought of her. Her face changed again. I thought I saw confusion and shock in her face. But I didn’t care. Surely a girl who dared cheat on her boyfriend could fake a few expressions as well. I walked out of the place, leaving her standing there, the centre of attention at the coffee house. I felt like a new man.

Fast forward 2 days

I happened to meet a friend of mine during lunch. We were having casual talk when suddenly he asked “Dude how is Ananya’s dad now?” “Ananya’s dad?? What about him??” I asked. “Dude didn’t you know?? He met with an accident 2 days back. He was pretty critical. How did you not know?? Even her cousin came by to college to talk to her professors asking for leave for her. The guy on the black Yamaha R1. I think they admitted him in A.R. Hospital. The small clinic next to the Starbucks on T.R Road. How did you not know??” My brain felt like it was in a Whirlpool washing machine…

Fast forward 2 weeks

A boring lecture as usual. I am half asleep as usual. A new chirpy voice near the door says, “Excuse me madam”. A blue object wafts through. I look up and am electrocuted. Again…

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The above story is totally fictional and any resemblance to anyone out there is purely coincidental. It is just an attempt to narrate a serious issue with humour. If you didn't find it humourous, I'm sorry but your idea of humour need not match with mine.. :P

The story is just meant to explain how conclusive we people can get, jumping to conclusions at random, without giving a second thought to it. Just think about how different Naresh’ life would have been had he not jumped to conclusions about his girlfriends’ activities. Take a stand to act from nothing. No prejudices or opinions about others. See the difference that it makes in your life...

Switch Off........

It’s 2050. The streets of New Delhi are dull and lifeless. As you walk down the road, you can barely see 10 metres ahead. On the busier streets people are scurrying about their daily life. But fashion has changed. The days of bright colours, short skirts, low hip jeans or branded suits are long gone. Today’s attire transcends age or gender. It’s known as the Hazmat suit. Sounds like a high priced brand from Fashion Street? Sadly, you are wrong. This suit shall be the only barrier between life and death; your protection from the various toxic substances present in the atmosphere. This is just a fictional image, but an image that could come true. Think of it, do you want your kids to live a life where they wear gas masks to school or work everyday??

The countdown has begun. The industrial revolution changed the face of production. The environmental revolution shall soon change the way the whole world lives. Statistics Show that the last 100 years have affected planet earth the most. Whatever mankind has done to enhance life have been having detrimental effects on the health of Mother Nature. The predicament that most scientists envisage will pretty much become true unless we take some action. Environmental organizations have been campaigning for more eco friendly policies and practices, but it’s only in recent times that government agencies have actually started listening to all that. But bureaucracy being bureaucracy, it’ll become a millennium by the time our heads of states get down to taking any proper action.

So now the onus falls on us citizens to put in whatever effort we can, to make up for whatever we have lost. Talking about drastic change, there isn’t any need to switch to the Stone Age and use bullock carts for transport and pigeons instead of SMS, but we can make simple changes to our daily activities which may not drastically change everything, but will obviously make a greater impact when collectively done by everyone. Here are some tips given by the greenies:

> It’s time to say good bye to Mr. Edison and his illuminating invention. Incandescent bulbs are out and Compact Fluorescent Lamps are what we need. Consuming up to 70 percent less energy and giving out more light, these bulbs are the solution to our spiralling electricity bills.

> Walk to places located nearby instead of taking your vehicle out each time. You can burn a few calories in the process while taking in the sights and scenery of your neighbourhood as well.

> Use less running water. By collecting the water required to be used, in a mug or a bucket, up to 30 percent of water can be saved in comparison to washing under a tap.

> Carry cloth bags to the market instead of getting plastic bags at each store. Wearing cargo pants if you are going to buy small objects would be a good idea too…J

The above activities are just a sample of the kind of things we could do. They just require each person to make a very small adjustment to their daily life which would go a long way in helping conservation. Reduce, Reuse and Recycle has been the mantra in many developed countries and it is high time we took it seriously here as well. Reducing unnecessary use of plastics will help in minimising landfill requirements. Recycle materials like metals, glass and paper. Reuse objects that may have finished their initial objective but can in some form or the other be used for some other purpose.

Another issue to be addressed is air pollution. Toxic gases in the atmosphere cause greenhouse warming and other ill effects like acid rain. I needn’t explain in detail about these phenomena as we have had ‘exhaustive’ study on them through subjects like environmental science. We should minimise burning and switch to alternative sources of clean energy like solar or wind power.

Automobiles are a major source of toxic gases in the atmosphere, yet I shall not advocate using the public transport system like most people do as I personally feel that our private vehicles are much more environment-friendly that those diesel powered smoke belching sheet metal contraptions that run on our roads right now. Use public transport only when bus drivers stop practicing Formula One cornering manoeuvres and lap timing records on public roads. Till that day comes though, instead we should attempt to get the best out of your vehicle. I do realize that I shall be considered an outcast by my petrol head fraternity for advocating efficiency rather than performance. Yet given the situation today, efficiency has to be given priority. Else one day we shall soon be walking the seven continents like our gods of yore. At least they had extra powers to help them….

An alternate solution would be carpooling which is a very simple and effective concept. The idea is that a few people going to the same place from the same location can share a car instead of each person driving his/her own vehicle. The end result is less congestion on the roads and less expenditure on fuel costs.

What I have mentioned are just a few solutions to a few environmental concerns. There are many more that need addressing, but have been conveniently overlooked or over shadowed by our political leaders for commercial reasons. Very clearly they aren’t going to look into them in a hurry any time soon either. So let us take a step forward and make this place a better place, maybe not for today, but surely for a better tomorrow…